Since the Chinese Virus has been over and done with and normal people (non- Libtards) are quickly moving on with their lives, unafraid of a cold that has a survival rate of 99.8%, the next crisis unfolding seems to be at your local gym.
Gyms are now open to the public and you know what that means: Women are going to be thirsty for attention after being cooped up for so long, having been subjected to banging their roommates in front of Netflix. Unfortunately, women can't go anywhere without brining along their baggage, emotional trauma and yes, stupid trends.
On this blog we tend to help out the guys a lot in their pursuit of excellence throughout their lifetime. Sometimes, we tend to forget about the Whamen along the way. Since I am inclusive, and about equality, and being not at all sexist, it’s time for the chicks.
I am calling them chicks because apparently they don’t like being called ‘females’ now. Even so today, when you are out in public, it has become increasingly difficult to distinguish between what is a dude and what is a dude with a vagina, let alone try to pick out the chicks in the crowd.
We can’t of course call da’ chicks ‘women’ anymore because the word women has the word ‘Men’ in it. So, it is only appropriate that we go with Chicks.
Because a chick is a warm and fuzzy little thing, just like a woman’s pussy.
P.S.: There are only two genders.
So, if you hate chicks then that just means you are a person who hates animals.
Your move, feminists.
Anyway, the gym is no longer just a sweaty church to worship the male form and all that it has accomplished for humanity. The chicks have shown up to prove that they can be just as annoying as the dude bros.
So, here are some of the worst gym trends for chicks.
An Overabundance of Lifting Paraphernalia
Too much lifting paraphernalia: Strength training belts, her wrist wraps, fuckn’ knee sleeves.
This chick will wear anything that says, “Look at me, I’m a serious lifter… of all but 80lbs!”
This chick will bench press in the squat rack two times a week just to make sure you know that she lifts upper-body.
Then she will go home, put on her teal halter-top, Hollister jeans that are ripped at the knees and DSW wedges only to post a selfie that says,
“Finally wearing something other than gym clothes, FML!”
Then she will go to Panda Express and brag about how many calories she eats in a given day, to then go home and masturbate to Arnold Shwarzengger’s Pumping Iron.
Look biddie, we get it. Your dad wanted a son.
Instead, he got you.
This is the type of chick who is trying to become what she so desires: The weight of a man. Lifting won't cure her daddy issues, but a cock in the right hole just might.
Pump/Titty Covers
Chicks will walk into the holy church of pump with a baggie-ass sweat shirt on: They will do 3 sets of leg-lifts, take it off and will call it a pump cover.
Ladies, you are not covering up the lack of a pump. You are covering up the fact that you don’t want to walk into the holiest of places with your nipples poking through the two doilies you’re wearing as a top.
You are wondering how many sets you are going to do until you think it’s appropriate to thot-it-up. You see, guys will wear a pump cover to the gym, because without a pump a dude’s body just looks like a flaccid penis.
Women need to stop covering up like a modest peasant when they are at the gym. We are living in an age in where women will literally use their right to protest in order to show-off their nipples. A pump cover is basically a safety blanket for women who have body dysmorphia, or are deeply insecure about thoting-it-up in front of other thots, yet, will have no problem getting completely naked at a Women's rally in D.C.
This is North America, the West. Stop wearing the booby-burqas.
TikTok Leggings
Like waist trainer chicks, these types of girls are always looking for a way to get guys to Premium subscribe to their body. TikTok leggings are basically ass make-up. It’s an optical illusion.
This chick will tattoo her eyebrows on, but change her career and hair color every two weeks. These are leggings specifically designed for single-moms that leave their kids (and dogs) in hot cars during peak summer days.
This chick will ruin your life and everyone around hers.
Even worse, she will ruin your lift/pump and blame it on Mercury aligning in Sagittarius, or the planet named after the first car she got impregnated in.
Waist Trainers/Slimmers
Chicks at the gym will wrap each other with these things. They are as long as your receipt from CVS.
This type of gym chick who will wear one of these monstrosities will 100% try to get you to join her pyramid scheme. This chick will sleep with garlic on her feet and make such bold claims like how tree sap is a cure for scoliosis.
She will have an IQ that is well below your standards for a ONS, and will blame oil and gas companies for the reason why her kids all turned out stupid.
Listen biddie, the reason why your kid(s) turned out stupid is because you got raw dawg’d by the dude who was in remedial recess and the fact that you gave birth in the pharmacy section at a Wal-Mart.
But yeah, tell us more about how you are going to sweat the fat off your waist by wrapping yourself up like an over-stuffed Mexican burrito.
Wearing Sexy Outfits to Show Off At Da Gym, Complains When She Gets Looked At, But Feels Self-Conscious When She Doesn’t Get Attention
Look, biddie. If you want to wear sexy outfits because YOU want to feel sexy and don’t want to be fucking creeped on, then by all means carry-on with your hungry bum and beefy camel-toe. I’d rather look at my own pump anyway and feel my dick through my sweat pants.
However, if you are going to feel bad about yourself when nobody is paying attention to you, whilst standing in front of my mirror space, then you’re on your own.
It’s like the Boy Who Cried Wolf in reverse: A wolf showed up, you cried about it; it went away; now there are no more wolves and nobody is paying attention to you, so now you are having an existential crisis.
You can’t show off your camel-toe and expect us to pretend it’s not there.
However, if you are offering for everyone to leer, I will stare intently at it and envision my cock turning that thing into my own personal pump station.
Nike Blazers
This chick went to a T.J. Maxx and got the same pair of dusty white blazers as every other chick. Now, she thinks she is a SneakerQueen.
This is the type of chick who will come over and say, “I don’t normally do this.” and then next thing you know, she’s giving your dick a secret handshake with her mouth like it’s a long lost friend of hers.
I don’t think anyone has ever told this chick before, but giving head with your sneakers on doesn’t make you a sneakerQueen. Now, being a fuckboi with more Jordans than personality traits makes you a sneakerJunky and king.
It also makes you allergic to having any friends.
Smartphone Tripods
When a chick brings a phone tripod to the church of iron, it means one of two things: She is taking pictures/videos for her struggling Instagram, or she is taking photos for her OnlyFans teasers.
Now, if her InstaWhore or Fitpage were popping, she’d be having some horny camera lackey following her around all day taking the videos, but instead she’s got a phone tripod taking screenshots of her ass and camel-toe in various poses.
This is so she can sell booty pics online in order to make ends meet and feed her starving bastard children, most likely. If this is her set-up, you can bet that she’s running that $2.99 OnlyFans special that she runs once a month…for the entire month.
Aside from the fact that I don’t want to be a background extra in her casting bench video, I can respect the hustle.
This is the type of entrepreneurial spirit that America was built on: Prostitution. Backshots are the backbone of this economy.
Chicks That Dry Scoop Pre-Workout
These chicks are animals. These are chicks with something to prove… to their daddy that never loved them because he was too busy at the office making plays in the U.S Shale industry back in 2014.
This is the type of chick that does Brazilian Jujitsu because it’s the only way she’ll get a hug.
This chick will flirt with you, but then punch you in the chest and then try to finger your butt-hole after doing a Keg stand.
The good news is: If she is willing to dry swallow meth powder with no problems, just think about what else she will swallow.
For instance, her pride. Then have sex with you.
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